Stars
by Tochira
Summary: A conversation between two characters. (Brief, yes, but more would spoil things.)


Stars01

All characters are copyright Bandai/Sunrise/et al. and are used without permission. No profit is being made from this story; it is for entertainment only. If you come after me all you'll get is a few action figures and a huge collection of graphic novels. :p  
  
Stars'  
by Tochira  
  
I pull the car over on the side of the road, out in the middle of nowhere. It's a familiar nowhere to me, though. The sound of the car door shutting is muffled by the night. I walk quickly away, at a right angle to the road, as if trying to escape from it, from the car...any vestige of civilization. Maybe I am--what's one more thing to run from, after all?  
  
Wading through the knee-deep grass, I slow to a stroll, breathing deeply of the cool air. The faint singing of bugs is the only sound aside from the stalks swishing against my legs. I have left the highway far behind now, but I'm not there yet. Everything's so big out here, it's like I'm an ant scrambling across a sidewalk--not going very far, but feeling as if I have.  
  
After another interminable stretch, I spot a shape intruding on the unbroken expanse of the horizon. A gnarled, twisted, tree-like shape, the sight of its branches reaching so desperately towards heaven is unaccountably frightening.... Perhaps that's because I know how the tree must feel.  
  
I stop at the bottom of a low hill, the tree still some distance away at the top. Finally, I look up...and up, and up. The sky swallows me whole and I stand, transfixed by the immensity of the spectacle before me. Over me. Around me. Inside me. The stars are everywhere, numerous as grains of sand and bright, so bright.  
  
No moon tonight, same as last time.  
  
Suddenly, I'm a little frightened. Odd, that.... I shiver, and manage to look down at the ground again. I tell my feet to move, one in front of the other, and soon I'm looking down at tree roots. I can hear the breeze gently whispering amongst the leaves overhead.   
  
Whispering to me.   
  
  
  
I jump, and look up once more, this time into the darkness of the branches. A pair of green eyes is looking back.   
  
The owner of those piercing orbs drops down to a branch at eye level, his gaze never wavering.   
  
I reply, not knowing what else to say. I never do. His silence always seems to paralyze me, make me incapable of idle chatter. Every word counts.  
  
I swing myself up beside him, but don't stop climbing. I know he'll follow me as I make my way to the very top, where the branches open up to the heavens. I relax on my perch, sure that it will hold my still-negligible weight. He settles next to me, in the fork of the trunk. I speak first--he never was one to initiate conversation.  
  
Still working?  
  
  
  
What about the others? Out of everyone, he's the only one I still see. I rely on him to keep track of our friends, now. Funny...he used to be the one that we were afraid we'd lose track of.   
  
They're all settled, now. Scattered, but not drifting anymore. I actually talked to Duo on the phone a few days back. He sends his love, of course. I can hear the soft smile in his voice.  
  
Of course. I smile too, but sadly. Gods, I miss them all. Seeing just one isn't enough, in fact it makes the absence of the others that much more painful. I know we have to move on, live our own lives and all that, but it's so hard to remember that we aren't supposed to need each other anymore....  
  
We aren't, right? I mean, the war is over. Why would we have reason to stay close, when we were all just soldiers thrown together by chance?  
  
Soldiers by chance, but /friends/...that wasn't just convenience or coincidence, was it? If it was, I wonder whether bonds forged out of necessity really do dissolve when the need for them is gone. If the need is gone.  
  
I don't think it is. At least, I know /I/ still need them in my life. That's why I'm here, sitting in this tree and staring into space. I was up there once, actually there. I've grown up on a colony, flown and fought in outer space--and in spite of all that, from the Earth the stars don't seem any less mysterious or distant to me. Or less beautiful.  
  
It's driving me crazy. I have to ask.   
  
Do you...do you think we'll ever all see each other again? I mean, just because--just as-- The words don't sound quite right, and my voice fumbles off into silence, no longer expecting an answer.   
  
I'm not sure. Noncommittal, exactly what I'd expect him to say. But then he surprises me--which is something I have also come to expect, occasionally--by saying more. I couldn't speak for the others...but I wouldn't mind seeing everyone together. Just because.... He also trails off, apparently losing his words as well. I can't help but grin at that.   
  
Speaking becomes unnecessary at that point, and we simply sit and take in the night, the stars and the world around us, enjoying the absolute peace and companionable solitude we find so rarely even now. I know that when we part, he will once more reach out to the other three, offering an open invitation on my behalf. That's the most we can do; they'll come if they feel the same. If not...I shake my head.  
  
It doesn't matter. They'll always have me, even if I'll never have them. That's what's important--I want them to know I, at least, will never stop caring.  
  
You know, it always amazed me how important our unity was to you.  
  
I nearly topple from my perch, his voice startles me so. I must be getting soft, zoning out like that. Underestimating him. I keep forgetting he can practically read my mind....  
  
Why is that? I ask, almost afraid of his reply.  
  
It just seemed so baseless, your faith in us. So puzzling. You never stopped trying to keep us together. I suppose we never would have worked together at all, without you. At least, not so closely, or so well. And still it's as if we'd all just forget each other...but as long as you're around, we can't.   
  
Not sure why, but it's kind of nice. Knowing that someone thinks we're that important.  
  
You are, you know. It takes me a second to process the fact that I've actually said that out loud, but once I do, I plow bravely on. You might not realize it, but you are. I mean, don't you still think to yourself that there are some things no one will ever understand but us? That you'd like to talk about something, but the person who'd know what to say--the person you /really/ want to talk to--isn't there?   
  
I must sound incredibly pathetic, but what the hell. My words seem to spill out, nearly trampling one another in their haste.   
  
I mean...it's so hard, sometimes. Being who other people think I am. You all /knew/ who I was. I didn't have to prove it to you, and I miss that. We never bothered with pretense; we had a job to do. But in the end, we did it together. We not only trusted each other's abilities, we trusted each other.   
  
I sigh heavily and fall silent, done with talking for a while. Saying that out loud hurt more than I thought it would.  
  
No response. Either he's shocked at my comparatively lengthy answer, or I've given him some serious food for thought. Probably both. At least, I know he'd never dismiss my words as idle prattle. That's one of the things that we liked--still like--about him; he's an excellent listener. I lean my head back and let the sky swallow me, waiting for his thoughts.   
  
Once again, I am nearly startled out of the tree, but this time it's due to the sound of his laughter. Quiet and subdued, it's such a rare sound...a wonderful sound. I can count the number of times I've heard it on one hand. The laughter dies, to my great disappointment, but then he speaks again.  
  
You're right, you know. It's rather frightening, how right you are, how true that is for me...no one had ever given me a second glance, much less a place to belong--and suddenly-- He stops abruptly, as if catching himself before unguarded thoughts escape. /And suddenly--we find we are not alone, that there are others who understand the pain, the sacrifices and the fears..../  
  
And suddenly, you have both, from the most unexpected quarter. I know that's not quite what he was going to say, but at least it lets him know I understand what was meant. I have not led a life as harsh as his by any means, but all of us have certainly had more than a passing acquaintance with loneliness.  
  
And suddenly...there you were. He speaks as if he has not heard my words. I jerk my head up from my knees and turn to find him looking at me, his expression betraying nothing so much as the memory of confusion. So that is what he was going to say.... But before I can articulate a reply, he continues, You were a walking contradiction--the peaceful warrior. We really couldn't figure you out, did you know that? But then...we didn't really want to, either.  
  
I'm rather stunned. It's always a bit of a jolt to find out just how others see you, and this is no exception--but one thing catches in my mind, and I have to argue:  
  
But you /did/ figure me out. You had me nailed, at least once. I was ready to ki-- I choke on the word, still ashamed. But you talked me back from the edge and made me see reason. I swallow the fear I feel as I remember what happened--and what could have happened. You know me better than you give yourself credit for.   
  
Is that so? He raises one eyebrow, a faint smile curving his lips. I'm glad, then.  
  
I return the smile.   
  
So am I, Trowa...so am I.   
  
And with that, we settle back, watching the stars turn in their endless round. 


End file.
